She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
