What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
