9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
