and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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