I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
