Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
