im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
