i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
