I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
