hotel room ftw
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Randomize
