never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
