I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
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