I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
