I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
