I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
