So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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