oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
