wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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