Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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