oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
