i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
birth control should be required to get into college
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
