Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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