coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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