Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
