Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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