why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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