The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
You took a bar mat shot.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
