TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.