She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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