But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
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Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
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And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.