He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!