What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
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I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
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I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet