quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
