You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.