i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
