Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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