Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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