I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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