It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
