I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Randomize
