When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
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i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
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This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
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I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.