No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.