Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
29 Super Simple DIY Drinking Games
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone