and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
