In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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