I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
