everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
