Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Success! We fucked roommates!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
