woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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