How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
