so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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