I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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