Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
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Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
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Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!