Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
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Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
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Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.