I haven't been this sober since birth.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
