Texts From Last Night

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical

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  (612): I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical http://tfl.nu/u7u5
  Replies (18) Good night (9672) Bad night (929)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.

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  (720): Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands. http://tfl.nu/3psd
  Replies (19) Good night (1494) Bad night (4476)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.

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  (352): I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way. http://tfl.nu/qonl
  Replies (34) Good night (6287) Bad night (2446)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America

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  (330): I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America http://tfl.nu/nfrq
  Replies (24) Good night (6923) Bad night (1172)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test

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  (608): and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test http://tfl.nu/8oo5
  Replies (14) Good night (3337) Bad night (1373)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.

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  (847): couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner. http://tfl.nu/srex
  Replies (6) Good night (2528) Bad night (867)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark

  (1-678): View more from Georgia

  ...

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  (678): Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark (1-678): ... http://tfl.nu/supo
  Replies (8) Good night (1559) Bad night (796)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?

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  (989): Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics? http://tfl.nu/kwmb
  Replies (10) Good night (3028) Bad night (875)
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  (734): View more from Michigan

  What do you wear to apply at a strip club?

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  (734): What do you wear to apply at a strip club? http://tfl.nu/ttz5
  Replies (17) Good night (2347) Bad night (845)
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  (358): View more from

  I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.

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  (358): I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack. http://tfl.nu/ybt1
  Replies (8) Good night (677) Bad night (1365)
• Favorite

  (940): View more from Texas

  Sorry about the flaming shit on your door

  (940): View more from Texas

  I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text

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  (940): Sorry about the flaming shit on your door (940): I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text http://tfl.nu/x4xg
  Replies (3) Good night (836) Bad night (598)
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  (662): View more from Mississippi

  He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.

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  (662): He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime. http://tfl.nu/s8up
  Replies (3) Good night (354) Bad night (650)
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  (714): View more from California

  I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.

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  (714): I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms. http://tfl.nu/fj21
  Replies (2) Good night (556) Bad night (393)
• Favorite

  (941): View more from Florida

  do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?

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  (941): do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon? http://tfl.nu/9qjs
  Replies (7) Good night (597) Bad night (290)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian

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  (+44): I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian http://tfl.nu/g2ut
  Replies (3) Good night (1055) Bad night (265)

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