You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.