I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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