Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
These 25 Teachers Said Horrible Things to Their Students
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
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