Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.

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  (858): you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch. http://tfl.nu/r7zt
  Replies (2) Good night (611) Bad night (1329) Order T-Shirt
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  (207): View more from Maine

  life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.

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  (207): life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony. http://tfl.nu/6vet
  Replies (18) Good night (874) Bad night (2626) Order T-Shirt
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  (770): View more from Georgia

  That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously

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  (770): That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously http://tfl.nu/fxay
  Replies (28) Good night (3180) Bad night (1201) Order T-Shirt
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.

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  (240): I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian. http://tfl.nu/grua
  Replies (20) Good night (2616) Bad night (4265) Order T-Shirt
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"

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  (917): I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people" http://tfl.nu/5d9d
  Replies (20) Good night (7427) Bad night (1640) Order T-Shirt
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  (325): View more from Texas

  Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???

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  (325): Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong??? http://tfl.nu/adeh
  Replies (13) Good night (973) Bad night (3231) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire

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  (314): sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire http://tfl.nu/hb2c
  Replies (5) Good night (1561) Bad night (705) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying

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  (+61): Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying http://tfl.nu/56hl
  Replies (8) Good night (1504) Bad night (467) Order T-Shirt
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.

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  (815): Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night. http://tfl.nu/jyfi
  Replies (10) Good night (1359) Bad night (673) Order T-Shirt
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  (301): View more from Maryland

  well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...

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  (301): well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train... http://tfl.nu/vvir
  Replies (2) Good night (716) Bad night (338) Order T-Shirt
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  (239): View more from Florida

  And I might get them triple pierced after that

  (631): View more from New York

  Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors

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  (239): And I might get them triple pierced after that (631): Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors http://tfl.nu/vrzy
  Replies (13) Good night (955) Bad night (370)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?

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  (914): Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion? http://tfl.nu/d942
  Replies (0) Good night (623) Bad night (531)
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  (585): View more from New York

  WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!

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  (585): WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY! http://tfl.nu/cmgh
  Replies (17) Good night (2540) Bad night (572) Order T-Shirt
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  (313): View more from Michigan

  Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into

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  (313): Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into http://tfl.nu/0v44
  Replies (1) Good night (186) Bad night (700) Order T-Shirt
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry

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  (+61): Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry http://tfl.nu/2c34
  Replies (5) Good night (88) Bad night (241) Order T-Shirt

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