Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
