you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
