I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
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