so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
