He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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