Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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