So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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