i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
