i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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