remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
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theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
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That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
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