why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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