question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
