So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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