Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Randomize
