A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
