There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
