i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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