ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
