You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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