Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
