I like to think it a success when the cops are called
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
