We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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