He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
