I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
