Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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