I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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