i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
