i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tied me up with her honor cords...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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