im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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