Don't make out with my wife yet
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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