I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
