All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
