Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
