bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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