you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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