He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Boobs speak an international language.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
