You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
