My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
