hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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