The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
