ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Randomize
