just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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