On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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