i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
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