goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
