I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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