The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
that is very illegal...i love you.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
