I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
