I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
