omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
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