I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
