Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
