Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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